Sept. 30 - "When Hope is Gone"                                                                 Tool #1 = Hope
If you have had enough of someone, a relationship is severely damaged, or maybe you just figure the relationship won't change and you want out; you need to know there is hope. 
   Consider the hopelessly broken relationship between God and the people of Israel.  God had been very good to them when they trusted in hi.  He used Moses to bring them out of slavery in Egypt.  He provided food and water as the wondered in the dessert.  He then gives them the "Promised Land" which was "flowing with milk and honey" (i.e. this was prime real estate).  The city of Jerusalem became a symbol of God's relationship with the Israelites. When the relationship went sour, so did the city. 
   Around 600BC, Jeremiah began warning the people that God would destroy the city if they did not return to him.  Lamentations reveals the pain Jeremiah experienced when the city was destroyed.  However, in the midst of all the pain Jeremiah proclaims "Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.  Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.  I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!' ... Let us lift our hearts and hands to God in heaven and say,  'We have sinned and rebelled, and you have not forgiven us.'" (Lam. 3:21-24,41,42 NLT)
    Jeremiah says God has not forgiven them.  That shows the pain and frustration the people were experiencing, yet Jeremiah knew God's mercy was immense.
    We have the privilege of living after Jesus came and gave his life for us.  Listen closely to what he told his disciples the night before he died...  As they were eating, Jesus took some bread and blessed it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, “Take this and eat it, for this is my body.”
And he took a cup of wine and gave thanks to God for it. He gave it to them and said, “Each of you drink from it, for this is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice to forgive the sins of many.” (Mat. 26:26-28 NLT) 
   God restored his relationship with mankind through Jesus.  Therefore, we have 2 things: 1. The opportunity to enter into a relationship with God by trusting in him. 2. The opportunity to hope that by his grace and power our relationships can be restored.


Oct. 7 - "How to Meet your Own Needs"                                            Tool #2 = Love
   Many of us get so frustrated with the people around us that we determine we must meet our own needs.  Friends have let us down.  Family has their own issues to deal with. Thus, I must find a way to meet my needs on my own.  We work hard and relax hard. 
   Others of us decide to fight for ourselves.  We demand, complain, and manipulate others into serving our needs.  It may work for a time, but this is destructive behavior that will end in pain and brokeness.  In the Book of 1 Corinthians, we read of a church that did just this.  There was jealousy and quarrelling, division throughout the whole church. 
   God invites us to take a completely different road.  If you want healthy, encouraging relationships that will feed and nurish you, then you need to do unto others as you want them to do to you.  Paul desperately tried to challenge the Corinthian people into restoring their relationships.  In chapter 13, he lays down the essential ingredient they are missing: Love. 

   But now let me show you a way of life that is best of all. 1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;^[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

 8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages^[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

 11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.^[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

 13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor. 12:31-13:13 NLT)

Oct. 14 - "Why Men Get Mad & What to Do"                                       Tool #3 to #6

#2 Love – "But I say, love your enemies!" (Mat. 5:44a NLT)  You may not want to, especially if he isn't loving you, but God loved you first so you could love others.  Ladies, you can show love by speaking encouragement, catching his eye and touching him often. Good or bad men tend to be very visual & tactil. 

#6 Pray – Jesus said "Pray for those who persecute you!" (Mat. 5:44b NLT)  And sometimes it will feel like your spouse is doing just that.   If your relationship is not working, you must get on your knees.  You can change your actions (do 1-5), but you can't change someone else's heart.  Only God can do that, so pray, pray, pray!  Pray for  purity, forgiveness, compassion, healing and to resist temptation daily!

Pick one of the 6 tools to work on this week and read up on how men think...Go to www.christianbooksummaries.com/archive.php and read vol. 3 Issue 26.

Oct. 21 - "What She Really Wants"                                                         Tool #7 = Listen

In the movie "What Women want," Mick is suddenly able to hear what women are thinking.  Dr. Perkins tells him "My advice is:  you must learn from this...If men are from Mars and women are from Venus and you speak Venusion, the world can be yours. If you know what women want, you can rule."  Unfortunately, we men are not able to hear what women think and more importantly we can't grasp what they feel.

Leah (in Genesis 29 & 30) gives us a glimpse of what women are longing for when she bore Jacob a son.  Remember Jacob was tricked into marrying Leah and then worked a deal to get Leah's younger sister, Rachel, whom he did love. At her son's birth, Leah proclaims "surely my husband will love me now."  (Gen. 29:32 NLT) As you read on, you see that she was willing to do anything to please Jacob, in hope of getting his full attention and love.

Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn performed 100’s of interviews to help men understand this question.  They then wrote “For Men Only.” Here's what 3 interviewees had to say about what they want...

“I wish he understood my need for reassurance. I grew up as an abused child and now need to feel safe, pretty, needed, wanted, and loved. Even though I know my husband loves me, I would like to hear it more often.

“a woman always needs emotional reassurance and nice words. Men do not understand these needs because they are so practical.

“he processes everything based on logic, where I am one who processes information based on emotions. He says that I know logically that he loves me and that should be enough. But emotionally I don't feel loved.

It's not hard to see, the #1 need of women is emotional security.  A sence of safety, not financial, emotionally.  In their heart they long to be trusted and to trust.

What to Do: (Review the Tools + #7)

#1 Hope - We've seen this before, but that's why it is our number 1 tool.  Ladies, you may find a great guy or already have one, but you can't depend on him to meet your need for security.  Jesus came so that we might be called friends of God.  He will not let you down. He is always available, and cares deeply for you!  Trust in Him and look to Him daily for peace and comfort.  Then you can work on those men in your life.

#2 Love - It's simple to say, but hard to do.  Once we get married, we often take our spouse for granted (especially men.)  God calls us to love our neighbors and that includes your spouse.  It's helpful to think of what it was like when you dated.  Men must remember to pursue her (even after the catch.)  Don't forget to reassure her of your love and her beauty (say, write, show it)!

#3 Respect

#4 Forgive

#5 Confess

#6 Pray

Tool #7 Listen
“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (James 1:19 NLT) Again this is easier said than done.  Because men have pop-up blockers while women just manage the pop-up windows, communication can get very messy between men and women.  So here are some tips...

Men, let her process out loud! Don’t fix the propblem!  Most often the solution is to listen.  She is most likely concerned more about the emotions surrounding the events than the events themselves. Listen, Listen, Listen!  Think baseball...
   1st Base - Give her eye contact
   2nd Base - Keep your mind focused - no day dreaming
   3rd Base - Listen for how she feels, not just facts
   Home Plate - Acknowledge and affirm those feelings

Women, be patient with us. Help us schedule time to communicate.

APPLICATION:
Pick a tool to focus on this week.

Go to www.christianbooksummaries.com/archive.php and read vol. 3 Issue 28 for more info.

Oct. 28 - "What Your Kids Really Need"                                              Tool # 8= Train
Your kids need you to use all the tools we've talked about.  They need hope, love, forgiveness... and they need it badly.  Teens in America are hurting and longing for someone to show an interest in them.  You can do that.  But, they also need training.

We are currently potty training our youngest.  (She is doing really well.) This is training for behavior.  We reward and we punish our kids, so they will understand "right" behaviors.  This is good and helpful, but the key, according to scripture, is not behavioral training but faith training.